"Way to break your bow"

Yesterday I got my 7th notification that I had done a great job in the interview and it was really hard deciding, but they've decided to give the position to someone else.  I was a bit disappointed and a little discouraged--what am I doing wrong? Am I answering the questions wrong? Am I just not supposed to get a job? Is this just supposed to be hard for me?

That is the vein of thought I was in around 2pm yesterday when Cody came home from work and I apologize for that--I wouldn't want to be around that kind of thinking.  But thankfully, shortly thereafter, Cody and I read 1 Nephi 16.  Now, whenever I read 1 Nephi 16 and get to the part about Nephi breaking his bow, I always think of seminary and Mike Davis giving the commentary from Laman and Lemuel, "Way to break your bow, Nephi!"  It still makes me smile.

Yet this time reading through chapter 16, Cody helped me see how my situation right now totally applies to that chapter--I need to not murmur, be ready to make a new bow (even when my precious steel one breaks), go to others for help and guidance, be faithful and diligent and give heed to the words of the Lord found in the scriptures and modern revelation, etc.  That was the perfect start for me to rise above my discouragement and become hopeful again.  No, it isn't easy; but after Nephi and his family struggled in this chapter, they found Bountiful and had rest for a little bit before going on to their next adventure.  The same could be true for me.

Plus, I got two letters in the mail yesterday which made me so happy, especially since one of them has been a long awaited letter from Lindsey Herde!  And she was inspired and included this quote at the end of her letter, "Progress is any movement toward peaceful acceptance of whatever the future may hold.  Working on things we can change, whether in personal or professional life, rather than concentrating and obsessing about those we can't, builds self worth and fosters hope" (August 2008, Ensign, "Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope). Thank you, Lindsey!

Happy :)

There is no other way for me to say it:

Right now I am more happy than I have ever been in my life. Heavenly Father knows what He is doing and I just need to trust Him.

p.s. Interview went well today; I'll find out next week.
p.p.s. I got to spend time with Michigan people tonight--awesomest thing ever!

Patience?

Recently I've discovered that while I can be patient about some things (children [for the most part], other people's choices that don't really affect me, the weather, etc.) there are some things that I most definitely need work on--for example: people's choices that do affect me, knowing what I'll be doing with my life in the next few months or years, keeping certain comments to myself that I really want to say but maybe the time isn't right.

Yeah...that last one.  I tell myself at night before I go to sleep that there are certain things that I will or will not say, that I will or will not be the first person to say something, and yet it seems that promptly after I've made that decision, I'm placed in a situation where I break that decision I made to myself.  Why? Because I'm not patient enough with myself, with timing, with the natural flow of things.  A poster-child for this problem I have would be like when I'd really wanted the job at Meadow and I told myself I wouldn't talk about it.  Did I talk about it? Um. Yes. I did talk about it and what happened when I didn't get that job? I had to eat my words and be humble.  And not just any kind of humble--I was compelled to be humble which is so much harder.

I'm afraid to pray for patience because then life gets really hard and I'll get lots of wonderful opportunities to practice it but it will be so hard.  So I'll try to practice patience with the situations I have now: getting a job, going forward in life, what to do each day and sometimes not feeling productive, dating, writing, building new friendships with people.  That should be enough room to grow in patience, right? Let's hope so.

Needing a little pick me up? Apparently I did.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about my life--things are still in the shadows regarding a job but I do have another interview this Thursday for a fifth grade position (my favorite!), plus having a somewhat flippantly uttered whim at the beginning of spring term come true is also a nice surprise and addition to my life (I've started dating someone).  Yet even though I'm feeling pretty happy about life in general, Heavenly Father still found ways to make it even better!

1. I got to see Megan Smith this morning at the temple.
2. I got to see my hot air balloon this morning (it's rainbow-ish design and I know I've seen it on four different times: 28 February 2009, 28 March 2009, 17 October 2009, and 19 March 2011 and today, of course).
3. Cody Knudsen got to see my hot air balloon out the window of the HBLL.
4. Brad Wilcox gave me a hug at the reading workshop this morning (he gives great hugs and he's like a second Dad to me).
5. One of the girls that was in the class I was observed teaching for the Rocky Mountain 3rd grade position came up to me after the reading workshop and told me that she thought I had done a great job and that she'd wanted me to be hired.
6. Amy Miner, one of my former professors and mentors and friends, sent me an email telling me not to be discouraged about finding a job.
7. I bought a little chocolate bar at the grocery store.
8. Amber Thomas reminded me about the activity I was supposed to have already printed out and put on doors already so now I can.
9. I was able to type up my journal entries this morning (rather than taking the time to hand-write them which I usually do) which was a blessing in and of itself because it was five pages and it would probably have exceeded the limit of the last few remaining pages in my current journal.
10. I got a voice mail message from the principal where I have my interview on Thursday in response to my message this morning saying that I didn't know her exact address to send her numbers for my references and so I'd gone to the website and it said the principal was a man. And in my message I told her that I'm assuming she isn't a man so obviously the information was incorrect. And in her message for me, she said that yes the info needs to be updated because she definitely is not a man.  That made me laugh really hard.

People are so nice!

Yesterday a momentous event occurred: My flip-flops that my mom got for me freshman year of BYU from the Dollar Store finally broke.  They should have broke on my way to the MTC yet because Heavenly Father loves me, they did not break until after.

How?  Because my roommate, Em, was nice enough to offer me a ride to the MTC; thus, my flip-flops did not fall apart on the way there and I was able to go into the MTC and be taught by the missionaries because I had shoes on my feet.  As I was leaving the MTC, I got to the corner of University Parkway and 900 E and my one flip-flop totally busted.  So I took off my other one and continued my trek home.  I walked a fairly good distance, enjoying the warm sidewalks and cool grass, and trying to walk more quickly over the asphalt and road areas because those places were hotter.  And then who should pull up to give me a ride but my brother-in-law, Remick.  How blessed am I?  People are so nice!

Then this morning began "Get Lost in Utah County: Part III".

I hopped on the bus around 7:20 to get to my interview in Alpine at 10:20.  I made my transfer successfully and I'm enjoying the ride. As time passes, I know I'm getting closer and closer to my next transfer that will take me to the school, so I turn off my music and direct all my attention outside the window.  As I see the street signs change from N/S to E/W I feel hopeful that I'm on the right track because the All-Knowing-Google directed me that my transfer stop will be at 8:46 at State St and 695 E, and from there I'll walk to 700 E and 17 N.  No biggy, right?

Except that as the bus is cruisin' along, I see 300 E and then the next one is Main Street and the bus turns on Main Street and we're perpendicular to N/S again.  Great!  I inwardly freak out, pull the cord, and get off the bus and begin walking in the direction I just came from. Giving myself a silent pep talk about how I still have twenty minutes till the next bus comes to make the transfer, it's only a few blocks over, I'll totally make it.

Yet, as I walk down Main Street to State Street and south on State, the numbers change from 300 E to being in the Souths again. Thoroughly confused and not quite sure where I even am--I could see the G on the mountain so I thought that maybe I was in Pleasant Grove, but I really didn't know--so I began calling people.  First I called Terri because she's superwoman and can do anything. She didn't answer her phone so I left a message telling her I was lost but that I would continue to call other people.  Then I called Ally Gordon.  Then I called my former roommate Ashley Carter. Nothing worked. Then I tried Paige.  And Paige was my hero of the before-interview-time.  She came and found me and drove me to the school for my interview.

The interview went well. :)

Afterword, I was waiting outside because Terri had gotten a hold of me and she said she would come pick me up and take me to a bus stop so I wouldn't need to wait for the bus that would be coming at 1pm.  The girl who interviewed after me, Brittany, came outside. She and I had taken classes together at BYU and chatted for a few minutes.  Then she graciously offered me a ride back to Provo.  I called Terri, informed her of the change in plans, and rode off with Brittany.

I just need to make a public declaration of gratitude to these kind, caring people who have gone out of their way to help me in my car-less, shoe-less, and directions-challenged state. THANK YOU!

Texting on a New Phone

Last night after I got back from the On The Roof concert and going to Burger Supreme for the first time, I was snuggling in to bed, talking with my roommate who I hadn't seen all day, and I got a text.  The text was from one of my friends saying she got a new number. As such, I promptly saved it in my phone.

This morning, after getting up and cleaning and doing laundry, I started finishing the end of Shakespeare's Henry VI: Part One.  Then I had the brilliant idea that since I didn't see the light of day yesterday because I was stuck in the Freshman Mentoring office finishing the article on peer mentor development: a qualitative rubric analysis, I would water paint this morning.  As I was taking out my water color supplies, I got a text from the friend who had texted me the night before. The text read:

Oh great. How is your pregnancy going?

I pretty much died laughing right then.  Seriously. Tears were coming out of my eyes and I couldn't hold my body up because I was convulsing with laughter.  How did I respond?

You just sent that to the wrong person. This is Beth and I'm definitely not pregnant unless it's by immaculate conception. ;)  But that gave me one of the best laughs I've had for a while. Tears were coming.


Her response: Haha, I didn't know it would sent to everyone.  That was to someone else.
Me: Well that's what I figured :)


Texting on a new phone is always an adventure.