Loss

Several of my friends have experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant death in the last year and it has broken my heart.  Especially with having Calvin with us now and the sadness we felt when we couldn't bring him home from the hospital right away, the idea of losing him now is unbearable.

A year ago I read, Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham.

found here

It brought me a lot of peace and reconciliation as I read about the conflicting emotions other women felt after a pregnancy loss--the deep sorrow that can't really be explained unless you've experienced it yourself, the fear of trying again because "what if it happens again?", the sense of disloyalty to the baby that you lost, the hope to try again because "what if it was a one time thing?", the need to try again to know that you aren't a failure.  It is okay to feel those emotions, just as long as you can get past them at some point, even if it means talking to a professional.

My heart goes out to some relatives who just lost their baby girl last night.  They knew it was going to happen because she was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, but still.  I can't even imagine their sorrow, even having experienced a loss myself, but I didn't carry a baby to almost full-term.  They did.  Thankfully, we and they have a knowledge of the innocence of children, and a belief in the plan of salvation.  They know that their daughter is theirs for eternity, even though they don't get to have her on Earth with them now.  She is still theirs.  What a beautiful, reassuring truth.

In the Ensign this past month, there was an article written very similar to their situation. You can read it here.

If you would like to donate any money to my relations, you can do so here.