4 Years

I was in high school for four years. I was in college for four years. I taught at Barnett Elementary for four years.  Four years seems to be my time range until big changes happen and I have to say a lot of good byes to people.

During these last four years that I've been a teacher at Barnett, I got married

I taught fifth grade for two years and third grade for two years, my nephew was born, I lived in Washington DC for a summer












Cody graduated from BYU


I cooked my first turkey, I got pregnant twice, I lived in three different apartments, I've been to California three times and Michigan twice, I've grown out my hair twice and cut it shorter twice, I started work on my Masters in Education (and should finish it soon), I was in a car accident, two of my great-grandmas died, my grandpa passed away,












I gave birth to Calvin, I took two months of maternity leave,  and now...

now I leave for a new adventure in Maryland.

I'm really going to miss all of my friends at Barnett and the students that I taught.  However, thank goodness for Facebook and email so we can keep in contact.

I can't believe it's here. The beginning of the end of our time in Provo.

Loss

Several of my friends have experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant death in the last year and it has broken my heart.  Especially with having Calvin with us now and the sadness we felt when we couldn't bring him home from the hospital right away, the idea of losing him now is unbearable.

A year ago I read, Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham.

found here

It brought me a lot of peace and reconciliation as I read about the conflicting emotions other women felt after a pregnancy loss--the deep sorrow that can't really be explained unless you've experienced it yourself, the fear of trying again because "what if it happens again?", the sense of disloyalty to the baby that you lost, the hope to try again because "what if it was a one time thing?", the need to try again to know that you aren't a failure.  It is okay to feel those emotions, just as long as you can get past them at some point, even if it means talking to a professional.

My heart goes out to some relatives who just lost their baby girl last night.  They knew it was going to happen because she was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, but still.  I can't even imagine their sorrow, even having experienced a loss myself, but I didn't carry a baby to almost full-term.  They did.  Thankfully, we and they have a knowledge of the innocence of children, and a belief in the plan of salvation.  They know that their daughter is theirs for eternity, even though they don't get to have her on Earth with them now.  She is still theirs.  What a beautiful, reassuring truth.

In the Ensign this past month, there was an article written very similar to their situation. You can read it here.

If you would like to donate any money to my relations, you can do so here.

The Car Accident & Aftermath

I wanted to wait till everything calmed down and resolved itself before I wrote about the car accident that Cody and I were involved in on June 20th. I'm copying from a letter to my brother (I made some changes for third-party readability...for example: my grandparents are obviously my brother's grandparents, too):

We were on our way up to my grandparents' in Idaho. I was driving in the HOV lane in Salt Lake County (about 3300 S) when the person in front of us slowed to a stop, so I slowed down and didn’t hit them. However, the person behind us didn’t slow down quick enough and hit us from behind, pushing us into the car in front of us.  The airbags deployed and it smelled HORRIBLE. I put down all the windows, moved onto the shoulder and we got out of the car.  There were four or five cars involved in the pile-up, but no one was injured, which was a miracle. 

            My sister came and picked us up from the towing place. We spent the night at their place and then next morning, she took us to Cody’s grandparents’ in Cottonwood Heights.  Eventually we were able to make it back down to Provo and home when Cody’s parents drove us down. Both of us received blessings that night and they have helped make all the difference, I think.  I was really worried and scared after the accident, especially since I was the driver.  Cody wasn’t hurt at all; he didn’t even touch the airbags.  I did touch the airbags but I wasn’t burned or anything. I’ve had some whiplash problems and have been going to the chiropractor and it has been getting better.

So that's that.  Here are some pictures of our car. The insurance company decided that it was totaled (even though it doesn't look too bad; repairs would have cost more than it was worth).

The whole bottom fell off the car

The follow-up to that story is that first, Cody's younger sister let us borrow her and her husband's car for a while so that we could get groceries and make our appointments that next week.

Cody's sister's & her husband's car that made it possible for us to get around the next couple of weeks

Second, my grandparents up in Idaho (who we weren't able to see...) fixed up one of their cars and got it down here to us so that we wouldn't be without transportation.  Not only that, but my grandpa gifted it to us, so it's ours now.

2001 Buick Century--the air conditioning is amazing!

That was so thoughtful and helpful of them.  Also, we got the settlement check from the accident and we went and got another car: a 2012 Mazda 6.

Oh yeah, even though I've driven on the freeway since the accident, it was going south to the school where I work and it wasn't busy. However, this last weekend, I made sure that I was the driver when Cody and I drove south through Salt Lake. So I have officially done the thing that I fear the most since the accident: been the driver through Salt Lake County (which is always sooo busy!). Go me!

Family History Work

I've been sucked into doing family history work the past eight months, but especially the past week.  I signed up for a two week free trial with ancestry.com and I'm trying to take advantage of that resource before I have to cancel it.

Not only have I been able to put correct fathers and mothers with their children (which sometimes gets confusing when cousins marry in the 1700s and 1800s), but I've felt more of a connection with Cody's family.  I feel like I'm a part of that whole line now since doing family history work for them, and then taking some of their names to the temple when we can.

Mostly what I've been grateful for with doing family history work is a feeling of peace.  I've really needed that feeling to guide me the past eight months, but especially the last three months.  I've been confronted by people that I am related to who have been patiently waiting for someone to find them and link them to their parents, spouse, children, siblings, and I've tried to be more patient myself.

The Christmas Spirit

I liked this video reminder of what Christmas is really about:

Sometimes I feel like the odd man out because I'm not a big gift giver.  The gifts I like to give are ones that I know will last because of their thoughtfulness--pictures, letters, memories, a hand-made blanket, a purse for the friend whose mom passed away years before, 12 Days of Christmas, etc.--or that are needed and practical--church shoes, candle warmer, etc.  I would rather spend time with someone or give them shoe laces, than give them a gift that they'll use and break, throw away, or shove in a back corner (kids are excepted from this--they break toys all the time, but they still "get" the magic of Christmas giving; every gift is--or should be--exciting because it's new).

I realized that this Christmas season. I was having a difficult time getting into the gift-giving mode of Christmas and I couldn't figure out why.  Well, it's because I couldn't figure out what people closest to me needed or needed. And while I probably am still giving out some perfunctory gifts that came from someone's wish list, at least it shows that I love them, because I do.

But...

I did get some great gifts for my parents and Cody.   My parents' gift is no secret. My sister and I are paying for family pictures, since the last ones we took were when I graduated from college and Cody and Westley weren't in our family yet.  We get to do that today (hopefully, if planes arrive on time...).  And Cody's gifts...I don't want to give away any surprises, but I know that he won't be surprised by the loving practicality of some of the gifts, since I gave him shoes for church last year. However, I do know that there is at least one gift that he will be surprised by.

Thorvaldsen Christus

I'd like to close this Christmas message with a quote that I always have displayed in my room:

"However dim our days may seem, they have been a lot darker for the Savior of the world.  As a reminder of those days, Jesus has chosen, even in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, to retain for the benefit of His disciples the wounds in His hands and in His feet and in His side--signs, if you will, that painful things happen even tot he pure and the perfect; signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn't love you; signs, if you will, that problems pass and happiness can be ours."  --Jeffrey R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Three to four years in five minutes

After driving around in the snow this morning and discovering that the place (where I thought for sure I would find a small gift for Cody) didn't have it, I came home and began procrastination rituals.  What am I procrastinating?  Cleaning my house (because we didn't do that Saturday; instead we saw the Desolation of Smaug), grading, planning for school, class roles for Primary, working on Janeen's potatoes for dinner, and possibly making a buche de Noel (but I'm hoping to do that tonight with Cody).

During my successful procrastination, I listened to The Nutcracker, ate a banana and a candy sled, and made name tags for all the children in Primary.  Then I decided I would look up some information on the Internet which inevitably makes me sad. I thought maybe this time it wouldn't, but it did.  After trying to cheer myself by reading happy things and having that not work, I started wasting my life on Facebook. But this time it wasn't a waste.

I became sucked into looking at pictures and after five minutes I realized that I was looking at pictures from 3 1/2 years ago.  Man alive! I thought (and I'm not joking, I really thought that) I am so blessed and lucky to have had so many opportunities the past three to four years of my life.  So here is a photo tribute to the experiences, but more importantly, the people that helped make my life so much better these past three years.

October 2009: After a life-changing hike with Lori Lund (Miller, now) and Kasey Butler. I didn't realize that long-term effects that this hike would have on my life but I frequently think about the things we talked about and the lessons we learned on that hike.  I needed my friends at this hard time in my life and they were there for me.

December 2009: at Lindsey's Ugly Sweater Party. I wish I had a better copy of the lower picture, but I think it's lost to cyberspace. Lindsey has been my friend through thick and thin, close and far, writing and phone calls. 

December 2009: Doing "See no evil,  hear no evil, speak no evil" with Ben and Jacob.  My brothers probably don't realize how much they make my day brighter, but they do.  

April 2010: My first full day in France. Sometimes that doesn't even seem real.  I learned a lot about myself when I was there. It was a good soul-cleansing and goal fulfilling trip.

May 2010: I got to spend 6 weeks in France. WHAT!? How many people get to do that? 

October 2010: This was a great group of roommates. Funny to think that we're all (except Biva) married.  I love this picture because we actually look like we could be tall or average-height people. And we are so not.

February 2011: I loved working with these ladies at Freshman Academy/Mentoring, especially traveling to Atlanta, Georgia to present at the First-Year Experience Conference.

April 2011: My partner in crime, Amanda Leifson.  So so so glad that we went to DC as a graduation present to myself.

May 2011: Verdon & Amberlee Walker gave me hope that I would find someone to love and love me back.  Verdon was one of my best friends for two years and I'm so glad that he's pursing his goals with Amberlee at his side.

August 2011: Taking engagement pictures.  Cody has changed my life and brought more happiness and laughter into my life than I deserve, but that I need.  Crazy that it has been two years.

January 2012: Parents. What would I do without them?

June 2013: My nephew, Westley.  That child is the reason I've seen my sister and brother-in-law so much the past year and a half (just kidding, sort of...haha).  I love this kid so much!

Even though life is hard, so hard, sometimes, at least I have good people around me who love me and whom I love.  I don't feel like the most faith-filled person right now, but I know I'm being supported by the faith of those stronger than I am right now. Thank you.

and Merry Christmas!

Gratitude

I feel like I'm always trying to find things for which to be grateful.  I know November is a natural time for Americans to think about gratitude because of Thanksgiving. I'm sure that other months are months of "Thanksgiving" in other cultures.

Here's a short list. I hope to add some longer posts about specific things that I am grateful for in the coming weeks:

1. the Gospel of Jesus Christ
2. my husband, Cody
3. the restored church of Jesus Christ (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)
4. family
5. prophets, seers, and revelators today
6. books
7. library cards
8. chocolate
9. friends
10. letters
11. my mom and dad, specifically
12. Lindsey, specifically
13. carpools
14. airplanes
15. cameras
16. notebooks and pens
17. literacy
18. music
19. patient people
20. knowledge
21. Shakespeare
22. Dr. Seuss
23. Yo Yo Ma
24. blue things
25. warm blankets
26. colors
27. food
28. being able to cook
29. running water
30. indoor plumbing
31. indoor heating and cooling
32. a car
33. my job
34. Cody's job
35. that I live in the United States 
36. that I grew up in middle-class America so that I'm blessed with opportunities beyond many in the world
37. our local and national leaders
38. good people that have the desire to run for/be president/Senate/House of Representatives/Governor/etc. and who mostly are all just trying to do their best, so that I don't ever have to feel like I need to
39. scientists
40. iPods
41. running shoes
42. socks
43. my nephew who is the cutest
44. my brothers and sisters (counting in-laws, too)
45. American history
46. having gone to BYU and taken so many different classes
47. prayer
48. perspective
49. fall
50. that I'm not allergic to any foods or medicines

Successes

Open House last week: took a nap
Thursday, first full day of school: took a nap
Friday, last day for the week: no nap, but I went on a run
Saturday: visited my grandparents
Sunday: visited my grandparents, sister & her family arrived, parents & brothers arrived
Monday: took family pictures and drove back down to Provo, went for a run
Tuesday: back to school, went for a run and no nap
Wednesday: shortened day (got out at 2:30 instead of 3:15), no nap (yet...), but no run today (I need to give my knees a break)

I think it's a great success that I can still squeeze in time to take a nap.  I also think it's a great success that even when I am tired from teaching all day that I can still go out in the grossly hot 5-7pm time period and go for a run.  My parents and brothers are in town for a few more days, helping my new BYU freshman brother get settled in, so I'm expecting to spend time with them.

I'm also hoping that my brain doesn't feel as much like mush at the end of every school days as it has for this past week.  I feel like my vocabulary and sentence structure is being depleted every day. Isn't it supposed to get better when you go back to school?  I mean, I can figure out how to say things when I'm at school (for the most part...I still mix up words like "five highs" instead of "high fives", and I've been having problems with saying my vowels correctly when they're by ls or ms...weird), but as soon as I get home, I just lose all ability to speak like an adult.

Ten days

It's been ten days since Cody and I returned from DC.  In those ten days we have attended two weddings, one two-day graduation, I have had math training, back-to-school faculty welcome meeting, district meeting, third grade team meeting, and Open House.  School starts tomorrow.

Needless to say, I am exhausted. I was doing fine until today but man, I forgot how wiped out I get the first week of school.

Now, to go in order: Cody's younger sister got married last Wednesday.  We attended their sealing in the Salt Lake City, Utah temple...

Cody and me standing next to Cody's sister and her new husband, just outside the doors of the Salt Lake Temple

then went from there to help set up her reception at Wheeler Historic Farm in Cottonwood Heights area. After about four and a half hours of set-up, we attended the actual reception. Three hours later, we helped take it all down in an hour and a half. Also a funny thing that I thought of that day as I was getting my picture taken with the bride and all of her bridesmaids (of which I was one), is that I was the only one with my hair up. All the rest of the girls had their hair down. The funny thing is that, it used to be that after a certain age, it was a "privilege" to have your hair pinned up to show that you were a woman. Now it seems to be the opposite--have your hair down and show how beautiful it is.  I'm not complaining or judging (I have my hair down half the time, too), I just wonder when that switch in the female psyche happened in the Western world.

Then on Thursday, I went to math training and saw most of the faculty again for the first time in three months.  But the more important events of the day were that Cody's day one of graduation occurred. He was given the official "you're graduated" from President Cecil Samuelson, president of BYU. His parents, brothers, and us went to dinner that evening at Sizzler (Cody's choice; my family's traditions have rubbed off on him).

Cody and me after Thursday's ceremony

The next day, me, all of Cody's grandparents (except Papa John), plus his parents and brothers, and his cousin Shane, attended his college's graduation ceremony.  This was followed up by lunch at DP Cheesesteak's (another suggestion by Cody and it was a winner!). We were really happy that so many family members were able to be there for it, especially since most family members won't be able to make it to his higher-degree graduations.

Cody's parents, brothers, and me after graduation

Monday was my back-to-school faculty meeting and district meeting.  Yesterday was my third grade team meeting. And today was Open House.  I'll take some pictures of my classroom before school starts tomorrow.  I like it. It doesn't have an overt decoration theme, but it's simple, uncluttered, and open which I really like.

I miss DC. But I'm happy to be back.  I hope our paths really do take us back out there in the near future, like we hope they will.

An insight into my adolesence

Looking back, I would say that I had a really easy time of being a teenager.  My sister and I figured out how to be friends (after I decided to stop getting mad at her for taking my second lunch; yes, I really did take two lunches to school, at least during cross country season), I got along great with my parents, my brothers were cute and young, I always had a job, I had friends at school and church and work, I was trusted by my teachers and employers, and I pretty much thought I had my life figured out.  I didn't get involved in any self-destructive behavior. I read a lot.  I worked a lot. And I liked boys, a lot.

Yet, even with knowing all of this, I also know that I sometimes had a really hard time as a teenager. Not because my life was overwhelming, or the odds were never in my favor, or because people were mean to me.  No, my life felt hard because I had a problem with loneliness.  I'm not sure what the root of it was, but there were nights when I would think about how all the guys I liked would never like me and how I would be miserable forever. I guess I just was a glutton for unrequited "love."  

The reason I got to thinking about this was that as I was looking through my revision exercise (that I mentioned last time), and deleting about 10 pages of ridiculous dialogue and plot, I came across this gem which will also be deleted. I am soooo sorry for the horrible writing; I wrote this when I was 14.  Also, I've put in dashes where there were names, so don't get tripped up by that.

"In the midst of her sobbing she began speaking aloud very softly to herself, “Why are you crying...I thought you were done…Oh goodness I just want someone to hold me, like when ------ just held me…please, someone just hold me…but not -------…not him…” her desire overcame her and she began sobbing again; her coughing worsened.  “Mom…Mommy, please come and give me a hug.  You could always make it better…cough cough cough…please!  I just want someone to hold me…” in her mind a picture of ----flashed.  She recoiled from the image...  “No…no…not him.  Someone who thinks that I am special and will love me for who I am…why is love so complicated!  I just want someone to love me and me love them in return…” she continued to sob. 

Slowly her sobs died away with only an occasional cough. The last thought ------- had before giving away to sleep was, “I just want to love a man…a good man…and for him to hold me and make it all better…”She managed to fall into a fitful sleep.  The blanket her mother had brought in that her grandmother had made was scrunched up all around -------, almost as if she were clinging to anything familiar to save herself from slipping away into the nightmare that had been her life of late."

I actually have a distinct memory of writing this part--on one of those lonely nights when I had been hoping my mom would come in.  Well, she didn't come in that night, so I turned on my computer, and typed that scene. It was self-therapy. I was calmed down enough that I could go to sleep. The next day, I was completely fine and didn't say anything to anyone.  Another time when I was lonely and crying, my mom did come in. The next day I was completely fine and we didn't say anything to anyone.

I wasn't depressed or anything in high school.  But I think sometimes we forget how emotional it is as a teenager (and I didn't even want to be emotional when I was a teenager).  I'm so glad I'll only be a teenager once.

NOTE: Mom--don't feel bad about this if you read this.  You're a great mom.  I needed to learn to grow up.  Maybe I also needed to find this piece of teenager in my "monster" and reflect on how great my life was as an adolescent compared to how it felt like sometimes.  Thanks for always being there when I had concerns and gathered up enough courage to voice them. You read my mind a lot more than you didn't when I was worried about something.  You're the best mom for me!

15 Reasons Today was Grrrreat!

I really needed today. Today was great! Let me tell you why:

1. After struggling to fall asleep in my way-too-hot apartment last night, I woke up from a great dream.
2. I was able to excuse myself for crying as I watched this video on Joseph Smith, by saying that I was crying because it's so sad about Joseph and Emma, when really I was crying because I miss Cody--but I had an excuse which made it feel better about crying.
3. I got to sit by my sister and watch my nephew watch other people during Sacrament Meeting.
4. I was able to hear a family friend, Sam Bateman, give his last talk before his mission; it was on faith.
5. I was able to play with my nephew at the Bateman's home.
6. I ate nachos for lunch (at the Bateman's home).
7. I took a little nap before church.
8. I got to play with my friend's 7 month old baby during the last 20 minutes of my ward's Sacrament Meeting.
9. I was able to reflect on service during Relief Society.
10. My dad was making fun of my mom on the phone and TOTALLY sounded just like her, which was hilarious!
11. I got to do a "Google Hangout" with Cody and look at his totally handsome, cute face and have him make me laugh.
12. I found out that some of our friends living in DC are willing to let us carpool with them to the Washington DC temple when we're there this summer.
13. I was able to visit teach with and for two of my best friends in this ward for the last time this summer.
14. I found out that one of those best friends will be going through the temple in June (probably) to receive her endowment and be sealed for time and all eternity to her husband and two little girls.
15. I am so so so happy about that news.  Visiting teaching changes us and affects us and those we visit more than we know.  Not only have I made an amazing friend, she has affected my life as I've seen her testimony growing, but I have been able to affect her life.

The day Cody and I talked about getting married.

Same day. Great day!

On the day Cody and I were sealed for time and all eternity--married forever--in the Michigan Detroit Temple

Me, my sister, and Mom on the day of my Great-Grandma Caryol's funeral

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I love how it changes us into better people. I love how all we have to bring is our belief and our desire and He will work with us and lead us on to be the people He needs us to be.  I love the temples of God and how, even though I'm only a child in my understanding, I am able to understand God's love, the Atonement, the Plan of Salvation, or myself better after attending the temple for any of the ordinances.  I am eternally grateful to be sealed to my husband for time and for all eternity, to know he is mine and I am his forever, and that my mom, my dad, my sister and her family, and my wonderful younger brothers, and all of Cody's family are my family forever.  There is no greater peace.

I love modern technology!

I love modern technology that lets me talk to my husband in DC on FaceTime so I can see his handsome face and make silly faces at him.

I love modern technology that lets me talk to my mom, dad, sister, and brothers even though we all live in three different locations.

I love modern technology that lets me listen to Elder William R. Walker give an address to the young adults of the Church on how to be more like our Savior and like our prophet, Thomas S. Monson.  May we all remember that our spouse is most important after God.

Why I visit teach each month

As I was eating my dinner tonight, I reflected on church today, especially on the lesson in Relief Society (for those of you that don't know, Relief Society is the hour of church where the women come together to teach each other from the scriptures and words of the prophets).   The lesson today was on Preident Monson's message on seeing others as they may become.  As we discussed ways that we can show others that we love them, visiting teaching came up.

Visiting teaching.  What is it?  Is it simply going out to visit the two or three sisters you've been given stewardship over to make sure they're not in a crisis and to share a brief spiritual message with them once a month?  Yes and no.  The goal is to minister like the Savior ministered and continues to minister to us through the Spirit.  The other goal is to make friends in the gospel.  But the goal is not to just have one more thing on your check off list.  Sometimes that might be what you need to make sure you make time to do it, but ministering isn't an item on a to-do list.

Ministering is keeping others in your thoughts and prayers and serving them in any way you can and that they need.  Right now I'm finding that my biggest acts of service are simply being consistent in going each month to visit, inviting them to church, and answering questions.

But why do I go visit teach every month since I've been assigned to be a visiting teacher?  It's because of two people: my mom and my sister.  I've seen the difference that my mom has made in others lives and I want to be like that.  With my sister, I've seen how she hasn't been visited very much, ever. And it makes me sad.  So I visit teach each month because I wish someone would do that for MY sister.  I wish someone would care enough about MY sister to visit her each month and to keep her in their prayers.  Because I care about my sister that much,  I figure there are other sisters and moms out there who hope the same for their sister and daughter, and so I go.

Me, my sister, my Mom

I go and over time I become friends with these amazing women I am blessed to visit. I go and I am blessed by interacting with these women.  I go and pray that sometime soon someone will do the same for my dear sister,  that they'll become friends and they'll realize just how amazing she is.  THAT'S why I go visiting teaching.

Spring Cleaning Early

After getting up at 5:25; driving to the airport; hanging out at my sister's house, talking to my brother-in-law and playing with my nephew, I decided that when I returned to Provo that I would get started on the list I made last Sunday of cleaning jobs I could do.

Here are the jobs:
Bathroom-ceiling, curtain, shower/tub--more than just a regular Saturday cleaning
Kitchen-stove, oven, floor, fridge
General-dust, windows
Bedroom-underneath bed, closet
Outside-sweep front porch and get rid of spider webs on door

Well, I was able to get all of the kitchen jobs done and dusting.  I may get to cleaning underneath the bed tonight and I already cleaned the closet (on Wednesday).

This house is going to be so clean!  I'm glad I don't clean for four hours every week, only once a year. It's really tiring.

(Note: I know my fridge, stove, whatever don't seem the dirty, but they haven't been deep cleaned for a year so it was time. And I thought they were dirty, so they were dirty enough.)

Before                                                                                                                                                After

Update: I'm married and school's almost over

I haven't written since November. Shame on me.

Old news: I'm married. It's great!

Newish news: I have a nephew! He's super duper cute.

New news: Only a few more weeks left of school. That means that my first year of teaching is almost over.

Newest news: I'm doing this cool science thing in the summer where I get to travel in the Great Basin and be a scientist and get paid at the end of the year. It's going to be really fun and hard and tiring and fun.

Bad news: I won't have a lot of contact with the outside world because I'll be in the middle of nowhere looking at rocks.

Not new news: I don't write in here much anyway (because I write on my blog for school everyday) so the fact that I'll be cut off from all civilization during my summer science excursion won't be different for anyone who might happen to frequent this blog once in a blue moon now that I don't write regularly.

In other news: I'm tired but I get to be at the BYU library when it closes tonight. Yipee!

"Way to break your bow"

Yesterday I got my 7th notification that I had done a great job in the interview and it was really hard deciding, but they've decided to give the position to someone else.  I was a bit disappointed and a little discouraged--what am I doing wrong? Am I answering the questions wrong? Am I just not supposed to get a job? Is this just supposed to be hard for me?

That is the vein of thought I was in around 2pm yesterday when Cody came home from work and I apologize for that--I wouldn't want to be around that kind of thinking.  But thankfully, shortly thereafter, Cody and I read 1 Nephi 16.  Now, whenever I read 1 Nephi 16 and get to the part about Nephi breaking his bow, I always think of seminary and Mike Davis giving the commentary from Laman and Lemuel, "Way to break your bow, Nephi!"  It still makes me smile.

Yet this time reading through chapter 16, Cody helped me see how my situation right now totally applies to that chapter--I need to not murmur, be ready to make a new bow (even when my precious steel one breaks), go to others for help and guidance, be faithful and diligent and give heed to the words of the Lord found in the scriptures and modern revelation, etc.  That was the perfect start for me to rise above my discouragement and become hopeful again.  No, it isn't easy; but after Nephi and his family struggled in this chapter, they found Bountiful and had rest for a little bit before going on to their next adventure.  The same could be true for me.

Plus, I got two letters in the mail yesterday which made me so happy, especially since one of them has been a long awaited letter from Lindsey Herde!  And she was inspired and included this quote at the end of her letter, "Progress is any movement toward peaceful acceptance of whatever the future may hold.  Working on things we can change, whether in personal or professional life, rather than concentrating and obsessing about those we can't, builds self worth and fosters hope" (August 2008, Ensign, "Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope). Thank you, Lindsey!

Day 32: Legitimately Lost & Fully Exercised

After class today, Paris, Rachel and I went to the flea market. I was trying to find the same place where we'd gone last time so that I could get some postcards that had been used already and use those for a lesson plan...alas, we never did find that part of the flea market. We were there for about an hour and then continued on with our lives.

I decided to just go back to the Vesinet. However, on the RER back to the Vesinet I decided to stop at La Defense stop so that I could see it. Here are some of my pictures:

(La Defense statue)

(The Grand Arch)

Then I hopped back on the RER and again decided to not get off at Le Vesinet-Le Pecq, but to instead get off at Le Vesinet-Centre, hoping to pop in at a book store, see if they had the new Marie-Anne book by Anne-Marie Desplat-Duc. However this is where the theme of my day starts:

I get off at the station. I follow the people. Do I look at the map of the area? Nope--it's le Vesinet-Centre! It's the station just before my station, I probably ran past this place on my run three weeks ago; I don't need to see the map. Hmmm...yeah. I should have looked at the map.

Rather than "popping in" to a bookshop, I ended up getting seriously and legitimately lost. I was in some random neighborhoods in le Vesinet. I did see some lovely houses though.

As you can see by looking the map, the black X is where the bookshop was (though I didn't find that out until several hours later) and the green X is where Nannick's house is. And as you can see by looking at my path (there was a bit more meandering in the neighborhoods that is not reflected on this map), I had absolutely no sense of direction and where I was going. I crossed the Seine. TWICE. I crossed it once because the street signs in the neighborhood were now saying "Le Pecq" and I remembered that when we went through le Pecq with Nannick last week we had to cross a bridge to leave le Vesinet to go through le Pecq. Ha. Yeah...

Instead of the 1.8 miles from the Vesinet-Centre stop to the Vesinet-Pecq stop, it took me about 4.5 miles.

Just above the point where I first crossed the Seine was a big sign that said "Vesinet" with an arrow pointing in the direction behind me. Did I see it? Of course not! Who looks up? Granted, it was raining by this point, but still...

So I crossed the Seine once, walked a little bit on the other side, finally found a map of le Pecq and saw that I was on the wrong side. So I crossed back over the Seine, and noticed that on my right was a store--Leader Price. I needed to stop at Leader Price to get some ingredients for a salad and since I was passing by now, it would save me a trip of going to the one by where Nannick lives when I returned. I figured I couldn't be too far away since I was in the Vesinet now. Then I entered the store and realized it was the store by Nannick's that Grace and I have gone to twice. Ha. Wow, I had no idea it was just down the street from the bridge over the Seine. I'm so observant.

I bought my food, returned to Nannick's, ate some lunch, then headed out again, this time hoping to find a bookstore. Here is a map of this journey, because yes, again, I had no idea where I was going:

(Black X: Nannick's house; Green X: Bookshop; Two Blue X's: the 2 RER stations, the one by the black X is the Vesinet-Pecq stop, the one by the green X is the Vesinet-Centre. So yes, I was so close the first time I got off the RER only I went in the total wrong direction. And yes, I should have just taken the RER to get from Nannick's to the bookshop. Instead of a 1.5 mile walk to a bookshop, it was 4 1/4 miles)

I walked and walked and kept thinking--there's a McDonalds, there must be a bookstore nearby...there's a Carrefour, there must be a bookstore nearby...Nope. However, I did see two rather strange things on my way to where I turned around and on my way back that I took a picture of:

(Yes, that is a real peacock. And yes, it is really in someone's front yard. In fact, there was another one on the front porch)

(I kind of wished I could have bought this car for Jacob; he would love to drive a car like this)

(This is there sign that basically means: Watch out there are kids here because there is a school. However, what it says is: Be careful, 500 children. I think that is hilarious.)

So then I decided to just walk the way that I took a run a couple weeks ago--straight down Boulevard Carnot. I'd run by some restaurants which meant some kind of a downtown, right? Of course! I walked and walked...I ended up following an older lady when I got closer to the "downtown" part of the Vesinet because she looked like she knew where she was going. And what do you know? She pretty much led me to the bookshop!

I ended up getting some of Moliere's plays in French because the new book by Desplat-Duc wasn't there. I also got two of the Petit Nicholas books. I paid and left the bookshop fully intending to walk back down Boulevard Carnot. But again! I am directionally challenged here without mountains to guide me. Instead I turned away from that street (without knowing it) and then I turned and what did I see? The Vesinet-Centre RER station. ha. If I had just gone to the other side of the RER station when I had first gotten off four hours previously.

So what did I learn today?

1. Open my eyes and read signs, even if they are behind me, if I have no idea where I am

2. Look at maps before exiting an never-before-visited RER or Metro station

3. It's a good thing I brought my tennis shoes to France

4. Even though I prayed to find the bookshop when I first got off at the Vesinet-Centre RER station (and then proceeded to get lost...twice), my prayer was answered because I did make it to the bookshop in the Vesinet before it closed.

And that was my exciting day of becoming lost and walking 8 miles in the Vesinet and the Pecq. :)